Monday, May 21, 2012

Silver Lining of Pregnancy

With a plethora of books on pregnancy (a quick search shows over 28,000 options), the last thing you need is more information on pending changes to your body and emotions.  Instead, I'd like to dwell on the Silver Lining to my pregnancy of water retention and indigestion:

Body Changes
Obviously the midsection is stretched beyond recognition.  And it seems my hips view this as a competition and relentlessly keep pace with my belly.  However, the side benefits of a larger chest and thicker hair aren't too shabby.  I love transitioning from flat-chested to exclaiming:  I probably shouldn't wear this any longer with all this cleavage!  When in fact, I will wear it more often.  And having my hairstylist no longer elicit sighs or looks of pity during my visit helps me forget the thin, fine locks which will return in a few short months.

Stretchy Clothes
Aside from being insanely thankful to Fashion for the return of leggings in 2005 (thanks Wikipedia), pregnant people have a range of dresses, skirts, and pants to create the mirage of normal clothing with a comfortable fit around expanding waistline. And if that's not enough, a large rubber band (official term is belly band) can extend the life of regular pants, allowing me to avoid the burden of zipping or buttoning these clothes.

As an added bonus, maternity wear fits no matter how much I eat.  Time and again this theory has been tested.  I almost feel sorry for non-pregnant people over the holidays/large meals.  Uncomfortable?  Need to pop open a button?  Not a problem here.  I may start a side business of renting maternity clothes to  let them enjoy the comfort as well.

Seat Availability
Around 5 months in, I am not concerned about standing on the bus.  If all seats are taken, I pick out the most able bodied person, amble over (adding a little extra waddle to the walk) and strategically locate my belly near their face.  This works about 95% of the time.  The other 5%, a nearby rider jostles someone to relinquish their seat or gives up their own, sneering at those still seated.  I graciously thank them, give the "thank-goodness-for-people-like-you" smile and enjoy the commute with a large weight off my feet.

A similar tactic makes long bathroom lines vanish.  Waddle up (remember to amp it up a bit) and say to someone in line: "crazy how many of these lines you see while pregnant [friendly laugh here]!  Boom. Instantly moved to the front of the line.  Hasn't failed me yet.

Conversation Starter
If you enjoy conversing with acquaintances and strangers about your pregnancy, their pregnancy, or their friend's/sister's/cousin's/child's pregnancy - You are in luck!  These conversations take place everywhere -- at anytime -- and are typically laced with something along the lines of "You look amazing!" whether it is true or not.  Though be cautioned you may need to sidestep stories of traumatic births and unsolicited advice: Should you be eating/drinking that?  Pregnant people shouldn't wear [insert clothing item I am actually wearing at the time].  This is when I have a sudden, urgent need to use the restroom.  No one questions this as I politely remove myself from the annoyance.

Immediate Forgiveness
My favorite silver lining is the forgiveness received for whatever nonsense comes out of my mouth.  Do I seem a bit moody and impatient?  Have a hair trigger temper? Seem to cry at the most mundane, inexplicable moments? While these emotions are present when not pregnant, the minute I am carrying a child, I lean heavily on the apology: So sorry about the [inappropriate outburst and/or teary awkwardness], but I am a hormonal, pregnant mess".

And you must forgive me.
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Sure there are the undeniable (and many times unmentionable) pains and issues associated with pregnancy, but remembering the perks above help get me through.  So I hope you too can embrace the benefits along the way and remember: always work the waddle.