Will Blog for Sleep

As I amble into Target   --  newborn  in tow -- with  my hair askew and an un-showered appearance, a person (or 10) undoubtedly stops me to say sweetly "Look at the new baby!  Don't you wish they could stay like this forever?" Though I smile politely at this stranger's notion of perma-infants, in my mind I have landed an upper-cut-jab-combo squarely on   the unsuspecting shopper.    To be clear: this stranger wants to freeze my son at an age where sleeping one to two hours is considered an amazingly long time?  Where his all too frequent diaper changes are  filled with piercing screams as if an appendage is being removed?  Where he sleeps like an angel in my arms, only to wake with a jolt the moment his head hits the crib mattress?  No thank you. I understand their heart is in the right place.  A sleeping infant with its cute button nose and little baby coos is undeniably wonderful.  Seeing such a teeny hu...

A Father's Day thank you to my husband: Thank you for knowing the details .  During the do-we-have-a-child negotiation phase, I may have reacted harshly toward you when I learned some dads don't know how to pack a diaper bag.  Little did I know there was nothing to fear.  Not only are you an amazing father and an expert diaper bag packer, but you have kept our son alive, diapered, and clothed when I travel for work or go out for a ladies night.  You have continued to impress me and surpass all my expectations. Thank you for letting my gene pool annihilate your gene pool .  It's not a competition.  But if it was, I'm definitely winning.  While you may not love it now, down the road it may come in handy.  When our son toddles over to you and asks: Dad, why are my cheeks so big?  Why are my shoes so tight?  Why are my shirts so short?  you can...

To kick off a Tale of Two Cities , Charles Dickens probably had the first eight weeks of parenting in mind when he wrote "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...." The beginning moments are never forgotten.   Holding my baby for the first time was surreal.   I would spend hours watching him sleep.  Though most of those hours were to ensure he was still breathing.  Nine months of work wasn't going down the drain on my watch.  Another perk of newborns is their surprising portability.  Once asleep, hardly anything woke him and packing him in a carrier or stroller was a sure nap in the making.  As long as a bottle or boob was nearby, we were good to go. However sweet those moments, there also came a few bumps in the road.  People warned of sleep deprivation and high expenses, but I don’t remember anyone mentioning the topics below.   Consider yourself warned . The Witch...

 I was promised water with my ducks                                               Take. Off. This. Hat. I've been referred to as dead inside. As having a heart of stone. You know the phrase Speaking Truth, in Love ? Apparently I have mastered the first half with a little to be desired on the second. And those are just comments from my husband.   Though I haven't loved these descriptors (I prefer the term “realist”), they were, in essence, true. Historically, I was never very emotional or known to shed many tears. Notice the past tense? Me too. Sometime during my post-partum stay at the hospital, there was a change.   Maybe it can be chalked up to the 24 hours without food or water, but a sniveling version of myself nestled in and refused to leave. Like a free boost at Jamba Juice, the cry baby emotion was included with my stay. Situations whic...

A smile when laid down to sleep isn't a good sign.  A yawn when you are trying to leave is even worse. I'm sorry. Friends with children, friends without. No matter. You are due. Let's consider this my official Apology Tour. To friends with children : If you had children before me, there is a 100% chance I judged you.  How hard was it to shower each day? Could you really be that tired?  Weren't you home sleeping all day?  And what is the deal with your inability to be anywhere on time (or to get there at all)? We swore our family would be different. We are not. Luckily, finding time to shower was not too hard for me (by sacrificing sleep, a 5am shower would suffice).  The problem was more in how pointless it was to shower.  I enjoyed being clean no longer than 10 minutes each day before being drenched in spit up.  At a certain point I even gave up changing clothes.  The extra laundry wasn't ...